Hello friends!
Last week I had to skip my Substack because there was too much going on. On top of getting covid, I was invited to write a guest essay that will be coming out soon on a very special Substack, and I was creating and shooting a video for an upcoming online summit produced by Lion’s Roar called Women of Wisdom: Our Bodies, Our Nonselves.
Are you old enough to remember the original Our Bodies, Ourselves book? It came out in 1971 when I was 18 and had just gone to college.
It was written by the Boston Women’s Collective, inspired by the fact that they didn’t know enough about their own bodies, their sexuality, or how to make their own medical decisions, including about abortions, which were illegal then. (And now….)
I was reminded of this incredible book, which is still in print, as I was creating and preparing to shoot the video for Our Bodies, Our Nonselves.
There is a Buddhist teaching that our self does not really exist. One’s body is a conglomerate of many parts and these parts, these cells, are always changing. Always. If you don’t think that is true, spend some time looking through your old photos.
Yet, identification with one’s body is right at the top of the list of ways in which we make ourselves suffer. I think this is true for everyone.
It sure is for me.
I have a deeply ingrained habit of thinking that my body is going to “get back” to how it once was. And it’s not happening. It hasn’t happened. It’s not gonna happen. Still, I think this way.
When I said this to my husband, he said, “Yes, and when your body was that way, you didn’t like it then and wanted it to “get back” to some other way.”
It’s not just that somewhere deep inside me I think I will be happier. It’s more than that. Do I want to be younger? Do I want my life to be different? When I think about it, I think not really. I like where I live and the work I am doing.
Perhaps it is simply an addiction to craving, to dissatisfaction. Perhaps I was taught not to like my body because that was conceited or slutty. Perhaps my mother influenced me by never, ever talking to me about my body, which made me think even having a female body was sort of embarrassing.
Making this video has really gotten me thinking about this because the producers of the online summit asked me to talk about the phases of a woman’s life in terms of:
menstrual period
pregnancy
perimenopause
menopause
postmenopause
and then teach a yoga class offering modifications for each phase.
A tall order. So I fell back to Our Bodies, Our Selves and the approach that no matter how much we learn about how our bodies work, we are learning it so we can make our own choices. You can do wide-legged straddle pose with a lot of muscular effort if you are concerned about losing bone density, or you can do it in a more relaxed way to ease fatigue.
It is good to recognize the changes that we experience in our bodies throughout life. Being with each change is a very real way of being present. But some changes are so big—menopause, joint replacements, hair change, getting strong, getting weak—that we start to think that is all of who we are. But really, none of these phases are the whole of you.
You are not one thing. You are not one time and place. You are a fluid relationship between skin, limbs, organs, blood, wind, nerves, reproductive systems and your mind—all of which is constantly changing, too.
Yet, somehow through all of these body changes, you are still you. And then again, you are not.
Contemplate:
What about you is the same?
moral beliefs,
love of tie dye and bell bottoms,
still making things
love of bike riding,
avid reader,
spiritual seeker,
graceful coordination,
distrust of doctors
What about you is different?
hair color,
new family,
intolerance for spicy food,
more compassionate,
even more liberal or maybe more conservative,
stopped making things,
having less adventures,
intolerance for gratuitous violence in movies,
thinner or thicker
Do any of these things define you?
Please share your thoughts in the comments!
Practice Opportunities
Grow your practice by committing to 5 days in a row. This is how meditation can become part of your everyday life.
Each day I will offer a lesson on the nuts and bolts of meditation, as well as how the practice relates to the rest of your life. On Day 1 I will give specific mindfulness meditation instruction and we will sit for a short period. Every day the instruction will deepen and the length of the sitting periods will grow.
Grow your practice gradually with each retreat. Longer times allow you to drop in a little deeper. Sessions include a dharma talk, sitting meditation, stretching, breathwork, group discussion.
Path
APRIL 14 11:30-2:30
Connecting mindfulness meditation practice to life off the cushion. How the technique can be applied to all your relationships.
Fruition
JUNE 9 11:30-3:30
Recognizing the benefits of the practice and how the Path has helped you move from your starting ground closer to your aspirations.
Sustainable Yoga is a medium-paced asana practice designed to balance your physical and mental strength, stability, clarity and mobility by integrating vinyasa, precise alignment and resting. Based on the long view of Sustainability, the practice will energize and enhance you today as well as expand your capacity to move, breath and live well into the future. Grounded in mindfulness and compassion, Sustainable Yoga helps us care for ourselves in a way that naturally helps us care for others and our whole world.
In-Person Retreats
Explore the notion of sustainability in yoga. This work is about presence, curiosity, and personal connection; it is never goal-oriented or performative.
Through nourishing movement designed to balance your physical and mental strength, you will embody sustainability as you experience:
Inspiring dharma talks
Medium-paced asana flows that combine precision and playfulness
Meditation for focus, awareness, and mental nimbleness
Breathwork to regulate the nervous system
Restorative yoga to relax and refresh
Return home feeling more energized and expanded in your capacity to move, breathe, and live well into the future.
*** CEs available for Yoga Alliance ***
Spiritual refuge offers a path for connecting to the basic goodness of the body, breath, and mind. Breathwork, meditation, and OM Yoga are all effective tools that offer healing, self-awareness, compassion, and mindfulness.
Join legendary yoga teacher, Cyndi Lee, for a week-long program that immerses you in deep embodiment, mindfulness, and curiosity. Through meditation, breathwork, yoga, time in nature, group discussion, and more, you will:
Understand the relationship between breathwork, meditation, and asana.
Develop a reliable structure for ongoing personal practice.
Enhance your work as a yoga or meditation teacher.
Begin, or further, your Buddhist studies.
Transform boredom into curiosity.
Each day’s work will build on the day before so you can observe the effects of your practice. Return home with resources that offer you a refuge for the rest of your life.
This retreat is open to everyone! Our practice will focus primarily on sitting and walking mindfulness meditation, sustainable yoga, and restorative yoga. Yoga props will be available in the yoga studio and modifications will be offered for everyone. Each morning will include a short dharma talk and group discussion.
The sangha has been a touch point, a home, a refuge for us in 2023 as we have shared meditation practice together, studied the Satipattadhana Sutra (the Mindfulness Sutra), shared a lot in group discussions and done a little stretching and breathing, too.
In 2024, we will begin to study the Bodhisattva Way of Life together. This is a foundational teaching and guide to walking the talk of our aspiration to be more kind and compassionate in our daily life.
Cyndi this substack was so timely & well written it brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing your thoughts & journey on growth & aging. I was especially moved with regard to the comment "the habit of thinking your body is going to get back to how it once was", & how that is not happening.....oh, how I can relate! And how special for you to have allowed us to view your photo's, all of which are beautiful! You are such an inspiration, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all you do!!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on your journey through life. I could relate to a lot of it and have finally started to accept my body for all it's glory knowing it will shape shift for many years to come, if I am lucky enough! It only took me 50 years to get here and having you as one of my teachers has been a big part in my journey. Thank you!