Everything Matters!

#21 Drip, Drip, Drip, the Bucket Fills

Hello friends, meditators and yogis!

Last month, in my Lifting the Gaze sangha we began studying a wonderful book, Becoming Bodhisattvas by Pema Chodron.  As you may or may not know, dharma practice begins with the foundational level, known as Theravada. This is where you learn how to meditate and learn the basics of Buddhism, such as the Four Noble Truths and the Eight Fold Path. The “view” or approach of this level is focussed on oneself—you are developing your mind, your awareness, your ethical commitments—primarily for your own goodness. In other words, you are doing the practice for your own benefit.

The next level is the Mahayana, which means Great (maha) Vehicle ( yana). Now your efforts to become awakened grow into compassion and lovingkindness. Your practices are directed toward being of benefit to ALL beings and that includes YOU. You study and practice the path of the bodhisattva (bodhi = awakened, sattva = existence) with the goal of helping everyone become awakened.

Of course, that is a big aspiration. Many people get stuck right there because they just don’t believe they can do it. They don’t believe what they say or do matters enough. But it does. Everything matters. Everything we say and do has an effect, a consequence. So is it really worth it to learn to meditate so you can modulate your reactions to the world around you; you can be more positive and less habitually negative.

So… we have been studying this wonderful book which outlines the Way of the Bodhisattva in great detail.

One of the first lessons is on Three Kinds of Generosity. When our group discussed these, it was from this perspective: How can I be more generous? How can I step into these three kinds of generosity?  

But as I began to contemplate Generosity more, memories started to pop up of when I have been the recipient of these three kinds of generosity.  

Two gifts I received: flowers to cheer me while having Covid last week and a piece of OM Yoga’s floor when I closed the studio in 2012

I had a realization of how often a generosity that I have received, seemed to become part of me. And, in turn, I passed on that same generosity. 

This gave me a different experience of generosity. It’s not just an act we do and then check it off the list. It’s an attitude. It’s an opportunity. It’s a gift that circulates and grows.

Three Kinds of Generosity

#1 The Gift of Material Goods

Many years ago I was invited to accompany a friend to dinner at the home of his friends in Woodstock. I didn’t know Betty and Arnie, but they greeted me warmly at the door of their humble home. We walked past their large vegetable garden and stepped inside to the kitchen, where the table was beautifully set.

I was immediately enchanted. This little house was full of life and color and texture. Homemade curtains, home made bread, food from the garden. Nothing came from Ikea. Every plate, cup, tablecloth was chosen with care. It’s not that it was fancy. It was that it had meaning to my hosts.  I think Betty might have even made some of the furniture. To me, this was a perfect home. Everything mattered and was personal.  

I have been in many fancy homes and this was the richest by far. This home, defined by care and creativity, was an expression of Betty and Arnie. It was a gift to be invited to participate in their life: the food, the environment and their joyful kindness.

After that dinner, I had a dream that one day I would have my own home and if that dream came true, I would do the same. Now I am living that dream. Almost all the textiles in my home have been made by me: cushions, curtains, blankets, coasters, wall hangings, bedspreads. I have painted the furniture and the walls. My husband tends the garden and every summer we share lots of apricots. 

Pillows that I made for our bed

Receiving the gift of material goods as an offering of friendship inspired me to also make a home that is uniquely ours, reflecting our values and appreciation for hand made objects and home cooked meals. Betty and Arnie didn’t give me an object. They gave me an experience and a vision of a way to live that celebrates and values the meaning of home.

#2 The Gift of Fearlessness

For almost 35 years I regularly traveled from NYC to Ann Arbor, MI to attend retreats led by my guru, Gelek Rimpoche. I was one of many New York students who made these pilgrimages so we often ran into each other at La Guardia or in the Detroit airport.  

One time I had just gotten settled in my plane seat when my one of my closest dharma brothers took the seat behind me. We chatted briefly and then the flight began.  Almost immediately my friend started talking to his seat mate and just kept talking and talking. I could hear him saying things like, “When the plane first takes off it can be turbulent but that’s just because we are moving through several different air pressure levels.”  

I started reading but from time to time, throughout the 2.5 hour ride I would realize that my friend was still talking and had never stopped. Finally, we arrived and when we were waiting at the luggage carousel, I asked him why he was talking so much. 

He explained that his seat mate confessed he was deeply afraid of flying. So my friend decided to help him relax by explaining every single bump and sound that occurred during the flight. He told me the fearful flyer had finally relaxed his white-knuckled grip near the end of the trip.  

My friend also confessed that he had once been afraid to fly and so he had learned everything about flying in order to dilute the fear. His intention to self-soothe had ended up becoming a true Bodhisattva act of kindness to another.

#3  The Gift of the Dharma:

When I was going through a painful episode in a previous relationship, I requested a meeting with Tenzin Palmo who happened to be visiting NYC at the time. She warmly received me at the door of her guest apartment and offered me tea and cookies. Sensing my shyness, she said,”I’m going to have some.” She sat sideways on the couch and invited me to do the same.  

Sitting crosslegged facing each other, I told her what had happened that hurt me so. The first thing she did was shout, “Men are eejits!” (That’s called the Gift of Being a Sympathetic Girlfriend.) Tenzin Palmo has had a lifetime of dealing with the Buddhist patriarchy so she knows what she is talking about!

We talked some more and after we finished our tea and cookies and time had passed, she asked me, “Do you know maitri practice?” I nodded yes, and she said, “You must do this for yourself.” Unbelievably, although I had done this practice for years, I had never understood that I should do it for myself. But in fact, that is where the habit of lovingkindness gets imprinted.

Then she said, “And you know, you must also do it for those who have hurt you.” A flash of anger must have passed across my eyes, because she took my hands and said, “Oh, that’s going to be hard.” She was right, it would be hard but it didn’t mean I couldn’t do it. If I could do it for myself then, eventually, I might be able to at least consider doing it for my “enemies.” 

Tenzin Palmo showered me with lovingkindness and I felt it so deeply that I was truly moved to share that feeling.  This was a true Gift of the Dharma. I learned to give lovingkindness to myself first, to be patient with myself, and to be open to offering lovingkindness to everyone. Or as my friend, Steven Willard says, Even them!

PROMPT:

Let your mind wander and see if any memories pop up of having received any of these three kinds of generosity. How did it feel to receive those gifts? Doing this gives us insights into how it feels for others when we pass along these gifts. Generosity is a living thing and can move through us and if we are motivated by our own experience, we will be inspired to pass that generosity along.

Have a great week! Lots of news coming next week!

Love,

Cyndi

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Grow your practice gradually with each retreat. Longer times allow you to drop in a little deeper. Sessions include a dharma talk, sitting meditation, stretching, breathwork, group discussion.

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