Zone Out, Come To. Space Out, Wake Up.

#35 Drip, Drip, Drip, the Bucket Fills

Last Thursday I returned home from a writing retreat in Connecticut. The retreat was a rich 48 hours of reading, learning and sharing. Feeling nourished, inspired and a little bit overwhelmed, I left for home on Tuesday afternoon. The first leg of my return was driving to Albany, where I turned in my rental car and took the shuttle bus to the airport Marriott. The next morning I got back on the shuttle bus and then took the shuttle jet to Washington, DC. After navigating the dysfunction of Dulles Airport I took a 3.5 hour flight to Denver. From there I would fly to Albuquerque and Brad would meet me for the one hour drive home to Santa Fe.  

But the weather had other ideas and there would be no flying home tonight. I tried to rent a car but there were absolutely no cars available. I called Brad and told him I had booked myself into the airport Westin. So Brad grabbed Bailey and his blanket, put them both in the car and drove to Denver. I tell you this man is a saint. He drove seven hours through all the thunderstorms and flooding that I avoided. When he walked into the lobby at midnight, little Bailey pulling on the leash, it was almost as good as being home.

We drove back to Santa Fe the next day. I kicked off my shoes in the entryway, turned into the hallway and stopped. There was my living room, just perfect as always. In that instant I was flooded with contentment. Being back home in my refuge was the antidote to the ungrounded bardo of traveling. 

Our house is small but it’s ours. Everything was put there by us and it pleases me to no end. I made the macrame hanging, sewed the curtains. There is a framed piece of the floor from OM yoga on the wall. Brad’s academic books line the shelves in the back study, a room that nicely doubles as my yoga studio. This humble home is like a favorite dress that fits me better as it wears in.

I was happy in my living room. I was happy in my kitchen. Brad and I lay down on top of our bed, with my head on his shoulder and we were so relaxed to be home that we fell into a nap. When I woke up I felt like nothing could be better than this.

The thing is that I am not always this way. One of my most enduring habits is wanting to change things. I have a creative mind and I am constantly saying things, like, “Brad, let’s turn the laundry room into a sewing room.” (Actually I did make that a sewing room and I’m not sorry.) I keep thinking of things to do or buy or make that would improve our house—let’s plant a tree! Let’s build a deck! This is called “constant craving” and it’s a pretty common recipe for self-created dissatisfaction.

But this time the feeling of contentment extended for days. This was wonderful and also got me curious. So I did what I always do. I looked to my practice to understand my mind.

I can draw a straight line from the specific instructions on the cushion to specific insights and experiences off the cushion.

RECOGNITION

Recognition is the second of three instructions for practicing Mindfulness meditation, also known as Shamatha, translated as “the development of peace.”

Step One:  Placement

Place your mind on the sensation of your breath at the edge of your nostrils.  

Step Two:  Recognition

At certain point—after only a few seconds—you will lose your focus on the breath. Being lost in thought means you are either in the past or the future. At some point the thought will fade away on its own and you will have a sense of coming back to what you were doing. If you’ve ever had the experience of suddenly realizing that you have been zoning out while someone was talking to you, that is what happens in meditation. Zone out, come to. Space out, wake up.  

We are practicing getting familiar with this tendency. It’s not bad or wrong. It’s simply the natural movement of your mind. The instruction here is to RECOGNIZE the feeling of that moment when you wake up from a thought.  

It is usually a very brief gap between the thought that just ended and the next thought which will show up in a few seconds. But that little gap is a big deal. This gap is an opportunity to recognize what it is like to be present, not in the past, or future. It is called “sheshin” which means presently aware. You are present and you are aware that you are present. Step Two trains you to be able to tap into the gap of being presently aware on purpose.  

Step Three: Replacement

After you touch, you go! Re-place your attention on the feeling of your breath.  

Repeat Steps 1, 2, 3, until the bell rings.

Although many people think that meditation is about eliminating thoughts and gluing your attention onto the breath, it really isn’t that. As you can see from the traditional instructions, Step 2 is critically important.

When I saw my living room it stopped my thinking mind and in that gap, I felt the warm, safe feeling of being back in my refuge. And because of my many years of practicing meditation I RECOGNIZED that feeling as contentment. 

If I had just rushed in, tossed my stuff on the table and started looking at the mail, I would never have had this delicious, satisfying contentment. I would have missed it altogether. 

THE PROCESS IS REDUCTIVE

All of my yogi readers know that contentment is one of the main tenets of yoga. The first two categories of yoga philosophy are the Yamas and Niyamas. The Yamas tell us to avoid harming anyone, lying, stealing, being greedy or sexually inappropriate.  

The Niyamas are all about what we should do. The first one is Santosha which means contentment. When I used to teach 200 hour yoga teacher training this Niyama was the most difficult one for people to understand.  

Does being content mean going with the flow… no matter what? Does it mean that you accept things as they are… no matter what? How does Santosha fit in with aspiration or personal growth?

Santosha is particularly opaque for most of us who have been encouraged from our early days to go for it! Be the best you can be! We get awards for winning and we get nothing for losing except being a loser.  

And this right here is the confusion. When we wonder what we can do to be more content, we are looking in the wrong place.  

As Suzuki Roshi said in Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind: “Avoid gaining notions.”

Contentment is not about doing more, adding something to the mix to improve things. It’s just the opposite. It’s not doing whatever it is that  prevents you from contentment.

The Four Noble Truths are a guide for making this paradigm shift.

Noble Truth #1 says in life we experience discomfort, agitation, dis-ease.

Noble Truth #2 says these forms of suffering are our own doing. We don’t want to accept that everything changes all the time. So we get stuck with wanting what we don’t have and not wanting what we do have.

Noble Truth #3 is the good news. It says that this pattern can change. The urges of anger, jealousy, craving will still pop up. But our dedicated practice of shamatha leads us to RECOGNIZE that and we can simply let those impulses fade away on their own.

After four days I was amazed that this pleasing sensation of contentment was continuing. It was simple. There was nothing more I wanted.  

Non-craving, itself, is contentment.

The practice of meditation on and off the cushion is reductive. We are learning to let go of what harms us and stay with what nourishes us. 

This is the point of all spiritual practice.

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Practice Opportunities

Mindfulness is about much more than being present and paying attention.  This is a practice that transforms your life through it’s protective qualities. We will explore a different protection each day and you will begin to notice how this shifts your judgemental mind when you are off the cushion.  Grow your self-compassion!

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Explore the notion of sustainability in yoga. This work is about presence, curiosity, and personal connection; it is never goal-oriented or performative. 

Through nourishing movement designed to balance your physical and mental strength, you will embody sustainability as you experience:

• Inspiring dharma talks  

• Medium-paced asana flows that combine precision and playfulness 

• Meditation for focus, awareness, and mental nimbleness 

• Breathwork to regulate the nervous system 

• Restorative yoga to relax and refresh 

Return home feeling more energized and expanded in your capacity to move, breathe, and live well into the future. 

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*** CEs available for Yoga Alliance ***

Spiritual refuge offers a path for connecting to the basic goodness of the body, breath, and mind. Breathwork, meditation, and OM Yoga are all effective tools that offer healing, self-awareness, compassion, and mindfulness.

Join legendary yoga teacher, Cyndi Lee, for a week-long program that immerses you in deep embodiment, mindfulness, and curiosity. Through meditation, breathwork, yoga, time in nature, group discussion, and more, you will: 

• Understand the relationship between breathwork, meditation, and asana. 

• Develop a reliable structure for ongoing personal practice.

• Enhance your work as a yoga or meditation teacher.

• Begin, or further, your Buddhist studies. 

• Transform boredom into curiosity.

Each day’s work will build on the day before so you can observe the effects of your practice. Return home with resources that offer you a refuge for the rest of your life. 

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*** ONLY 5 ROOMS LEFT ***

This retreat is open to everyone! Our practice will focus primarily on sitting and walking mindfulness meditation, sustainable yoga, and restorative yoga.  Yoga props will be available in the yoga studio and modifications will be offered for everyone.  Each morning will include a short dharma talk and group discussion.