How to Ride a Windhorse
#47 Drip, Drip, Drip, the Bucket Fills
My senior toy poodle can really be a brat sometimes. His limited vision and hearing often leaves him frightened and confused. This disorientation makes me his safe space. He knows where he is when he is in my arms, and that’s when he can relax. Even so, when I try to clean out the schmutz in the corners of his eyes he bites me. He knows he can see more clearly after I do this but still it freaks him out and so he chomps.
Since he only has a few teeth left in the very back of his mouth, his bites are more like soft, gummy mouth-hugs.
I kind of love their unintended tenderness. They remind me that even when he is being ornery, he really does want to be a good boy. He’s just doing his very best.
After saying this out loud to my husband many times, this phrase has seeped into my inner dialogue. Now when I notice that I am being self-judgemental, a friendlier voice spontaneously pops up and says, “It’s ok. You’re doing your very best.”
Most of us are doing our very best all the time. Yet so often we think we need to be better, work harder, and never make a mistake. Somewhere along the way we got saddled with unrealistic standards of perfection. This has created habits of never being satisfied or even worse, what in Buddhism is called the “despondency of self-contempt.”
If you have had this kind of feeling, you are not alone. It can be a seductive place to go if you are feeling guilty or inadequate or confused. Here are some ways to turn it around.
Understand that allowing yourself to indulge in the “slough of despair” is just a habit. You might go to a negative place when, really, you are just tired and need a break from something. Instead, try to gather your strength of mind, refocus and remind yourself that all feelings are impermanent.
This means that if nothing is fixed, then everything is workable. When I first heard that “everything-is-workable” teaching in dharma class, I thought, “Oh, you don’t know my life. Poor me, exhausting myself as an aerobics instructor to pay for my dance classes, exhausting myself as a waitress to pay my rent.” That broken record was too easy but I didn’t want to see my stuckness.
It’s takes some gumption to pull yourself up and take a real look at your mind but when you do, you will remember that your mind is tamable. Taming the mind is the exercise we are doing in meditation. It helps you see that you are not a victim and that, in fact, everything really is workable. You will figure it out and that willingness itself is a form of doing your very best.
So if you notice you are stuck, try this variation of a Tibetan Buddhist breathing practice called Lungta or Windhorse. Lung means wind. It is said that the wind is the horse and the mind is the rider.
Lungta practice will help you develop Enthusiasm, by letting your breath blow the lid off your mind and lift your energy, like a kite riding on the wind.
See if you can feel that here.
Lift up your posture.
Close your eyes.
Breathe in through your nose and imagine that breath coming in through your forehead and down to your heart. Connecting mind and heart.
As you exhale out of your nose, open your eyes and see what is right in front of you. Your potential.
At the same time, say, “I’m doing my very best.”
This 3-second practice of being kind to yourself is invaluable. It opens up a fresh world to you. You are acknowledging that you are doing your best and that is good enough.
Maybe tomorrow your best will be even better. But right now, today, you are doing the very best you can. When I say this to myself I always feel a settling in my body. Whatever was niggling at me and making me feel less than has been dismissed. What is left is some fresh energy and an open space to move forward.
As you get more in touch with your goodness, it becomes the ground from which you act, respond, and speak to yourself and others. This broader practice becomes a great gift because when we can let go of our perfectionist drama, then the expression of our confidence and self-acceptance touches other people. Like smiling or yawning, our lovingkindness practice is a mirror neuron that affects others.
Years ago a friend of mine in NYC told me that she saw Mark Morris dancing across the middle of Park Avenue. Instead of just sullenly schlepping across that huge boulevard like every other rushing New Yorker, he was dancing through the crosswalk with so much unabashed joy that she was uplifted for the rest of the day.
Let me know if you try this practice and please leave a comment about your experience. I appreciate it so much hearing from you....
and, Substack has told me that when people leave comments it brings more attention to my writing. So thank you!
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Sangha is a Sanskrit word that means “bring together.”
In Buddha’s lifetime, the sangha was officially composed of monks and nuns who committed to a lifetime of renunciation.
To participate in the Lifting the Gaze Sangha you do not need to be a renunciate. You do not need to be a Buddhist or take Buddhist refuge vows. You do not need to be an experienced meditator, a vegetarian, or anything different from who you are right now.
That’s the point of practice - getting familiar with who you are, as you are. This is not about rejecting any part of you, no part of your mind, your emotions, your anger or your love, or any part of your body. It is about opening to the basic goodness that lives inside you right now and very gently, over time, letting that goodness come forward and guide your life.
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I needed to hear this today. I woke up in a state of slough and I just needed to remember that I’m doing my very best and maybe today just needs to be a day off. Also, I plan to take some time later to dance in my room, because why not. It’s also bound to help. Give Bailey a giant hug from me too. XO
Thank you Cyndi, so helpful and timely this morning. No matter what, we have ourselves. Lets dance instead of march and sail with a gentle breeze instead of dragging the anchor. Thank you.